


Migraine

by Bright_Moon_Beam



Category: GOT7
Genre: Denial of Feelings, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pain, migraines, sick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 04:37:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14866749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bright_Moon_Beam/pseuds/Bright_Moon_Beam
Summary: Jaebum had managed his crush on Jinyoung all these years just fine on his own. It was only when the migraines set in that things really got out of control.





	Migraine

Jaebum was pressed back into the furthest corner of the couch he could be with his hands folded in his lap so no one could see them shaking.

The interviewer was heckling Jackson which was a perfect distraction allowing Jaebum to just sit silently, and he was thankful for that. He didn’t think he would be able to hide what he was feeling so well if he had to actively participate. Not that he was doing too well anyway.

He hadn’t said more than he had to the whole time and he knew the manager would be angry, but he couldn’t help it. The pressure in his head was immense. There was a throbbing behind his eyes pulsing and making him feel sick and dizzy and the studio lights had him close to passing out because of how bad it /hurt/.

He wanted to finish the broadcast though. He wanted to do it for the fans because he knew they got so worried and he wanted to do it for the other members because they worried even more and they would know the severity of Jaebum’s pain if he quit now. 

So he sat feeling like he was on the brink of losing consciousness, pretending he was fine. He laughed when he was supposed to laugh and smiled when he was supposed to smile, but he was barely paying attention.

What made it all worse was that his eyes couldn’t stop trailing to Jackson’s hand. Jackson’s hand with the matching ring he wore with Mark lying comfortably on Jinyoung’s thigh that would occasionally tighten to give it a little squeeze.

On top of the immense pain Jaebum was angry. Furious. Livid. Jackson’s hand wasn’t budging and the more Jaebum watched the more anxious and upset he felt and the worse and worse his head started to pound, yet his eyes always went back to that same spot.

His migraines couldn’t stop him. They never did. 

The first time Jaebum got one of the migraines he didn’t really have one at all. 

Jaebum didn’t lie to his members. He valued all of them way too much for that, but he did speak the occasional mistruth when it was good for everyone and he was sure this time going into his room and laying down alone even though he didn’t have a headache was what was best overall for the group because if he was out there with the rest of them he was sure he would have done something he regretted.

It was about Jinyoung. Everything was about Jinyoung these days.

They were playing that stupid game. It would make the fans happy and he knew it, which is why he went through with the challenge. 

He ignored the way his heart was pounding when Jinyoung bit one end of the small cake while he sank his teeth into the other end, their faces already closer than they had been in a long long time. 

The long long time ago when they got the news they would debut together and Jinyoung had excitedly pressed his lips to Jaebum’s briefly, only to never speak of it again.

It only got worse from there as they got closer and closer, their lips just about to touch, and he didn’t think he could take it. He was going to lose and for once he didn’t care, but Jinyoung grabbed his neck keeping him still as he got closer and closer and Jaebum couldn’t breathe. 

He moved away by force after that bursting into laughter like everyone else even though he was feeling a desire he had never felt in his life which didn’t naturally induce laughter at all. Jinyoung only made it worse when he ate the last bit of the cake with a smug smile on his face and Jaebum swore it wasn’t just because he had won the game.

So when they got in the car he announced his head hurt and retired to his and Youngjae’s room for the night shortly after they stepped into the dorm to calm down so he wouldn’t go and forcibly kiss that smug smile off Jinyoung’s face and flip everything they had over on its head.

He had the room in complete darkness wanting his little white lie to be as believable as possible. He was laying there, his hood pulled up as he scrolled through Instagram, and that’s when his door opened. He looked up to see who it was, expecting a worried Youngjae, but he was surprised to see Jinyoung standing there instead.

A beam of light from the hallway cut across his face so Jaebum could see his grin even in the darkness, sucking in a shaky breath when Jinyoung stepped in and shut the door softly behind himself. 

“You ran off pretty quickly as soon as we got home,” he commented, sitting on the edge of the bed. Jaebum rose into a sitting position then and pulled his hood down, staring at Jinyoung and trying to understand what he was doing.

“I have a headache, I told you that.”

“Do you really? Or were you just trying to get away from me?” Jinyoung said it quickly, his voice flat and striking, but there was no anger in it. It made Jaebum incredibly nervous though as he stared at the other boy, his features becoming more and more prominent in the dark the longer Jaebum looked.

“Why would you even think that, Jinyoung?” He questioned, attempting to seem nonchalant. “I wasn’t trying to get away from you.”

“Then why are you so uncomfortable?” Jinyoung crawled onto the bed the whole way after that, sitting down across from Jaebum with his legs crossed. 

“I-I’m not,”

“You can lie to the others Jaebummie, but I know you far too well for that to work on me and you should know that.”

Jaebum stayed silent after that, having no idea what to even say. Jinyoung had caught him. Jinyoung always caught him, but he didn’t know what Jinyoung was hoping to achieve from it this time. 

He opened and closed his mouth trying to come up with something to say, looking at Jinyoung helplessly.

“It’s fine Jaebum. I know exactly why you did it too. You don’t have to explain anything to me.” Jinyoung lowered his voice and leaned in closer so that his breath was hitting Jaebum's cheek and the older boy froze his heart pounding against his ribcage.

Jinyoung reached out to cup his neck again exactly the way he had done earlier when they were playing the game, but this time there was no cake to keep their lips apart and when Jinyoung held him steady their lips touched. 

The most insane part was the first thought that popped into Jaebum’s mind was that they felt the same way they did all those years ago when Jinyoung had kissed him. He remembered the feeling exactly, but this time Jinyoung didn’t pull away. Jinyoung kissed him harder and Jaebum kissed back helpless to fight against the screaming urge. 

Jinyoung had crawled into his lap and he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy breathing in his taste. Jinyoung was moaning quietly into his mouth and he felt like he might go insane when Jinyoung took his bottom lip between his teeth.

Jaebum was coming undone in the other boys hands groaning when Jinyoung started squeezing the back of his neck over and over. It was a pulse, like a heartbeat and Jaebum couldn’t get enough of it.

Right then, when he and Jinyoung’s lips were pressed together, nothing else mattered because it was like he was finally whole. All the longing and desire was put all into one kiss, and when Jinyoung left him breathless with one more lingering kiss to the cheek, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest because he knew Jinyoung felt the thing between them too. 

The next time Jaebum had gotten a very bad migraine was the night they were switching dorms. 

The manger thought it would be good to allow members to switch around so they could get closer with other members.

Yugyeom and Bambam somehow managed to convince the manager that they could stay together, being much more convincing than Jaebum ever could have been, so that left the hyung line plus Youngjae in the switch. 

They stood in the living room and Jaebum was going to start his leader duty by taking requests and then sorting them out to be efficient and hopefully end up with the most people happy. 

He looked to Jinyoung first expecting him to request him again. They hadn’t spoken much since the kiss, but Jaebum held the hope in his heart that sharing a room would open that door again and many others. 

Jinyoung wasn’t looking at him though. He was looking at Jackson who looked like he was going to physically explode if he didn’t speak in the next few seconds.

“Who do you want your new roommate to be, Jackson?” He asked, knowing he would have said it even if he didn’t ask and his heart plummeted when Jackson’s arm hooked around Jinyoung’s waist pulling him snugly to Jackson’s side and Jinyoung did nothing to stop it. Absolutely nothing.

“I want Jinyoung hyung to be my new roommate!” He laughed afterward and flashed Jaebum a big smile that made him feel guilty for how angry he suddenly felt.

“Are you okay with that, Jinyoung?” He asked it trying to keep his voice calm, but he knew there was an edge to it. Jinyoung must have known it too because he raised his eyebrow at Jaebum the corner of his mouth curling up and it made Jaebum want to kiss him and punch him.

“Yes, that sounds good to me,” he looked away to smile up at Jackson genuinely and Jaebum had to look away.

“Mark and Youngjae, do you want to room together or does either one of you want the single room?” He was tapping his fingers on his thigh gently, trying to calm down and not explode, feeling the heat of his own anger grow and grow.

“I think it would be nice to have Cocos parents in one room,” Youngjae said excitedly, and Mark nodded. Jaebum thought he looked a little upset and even though he twitched because Jinyoung was /cackling/ because of something Jackson must have just whispered to him, he had to do his job as leader and stay until everything was settled. 

“You’re sure your okay with that Mark? It’s okay to want the private room. Youngjae won’t be mad at you,”

Youngjae nodded vigorously after that looking up at Mark with wide eyes, looking guilty when there was nothing to be guilty about. 

“I want to stay with Youngjae, seriously. I think it would be good for Coco too. Plus I love Youngjae,” Mark said reassuringly, giving Jaebum a look letting him know it was really okay. 

“It’s settled then. I’m taking the single room,” he nodded and then rubbed his temple, a full ache starting again, sighing before heading into the kitchen to grab some headache medicine a makeup noona had given to him after he told her about the increasing frequency and severity of the headaches. When they first debuted his stress headaches had been a frequent affair, and while he learned to cope, they had been returning with the practical radio silence from Jinyoung even though he had been lying to himself and saying that it really wasn’t a big deal.

Mark entered the kitchen as he was taking them, but his hyung didn’t say a word only grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and giving his shoulder a squeeze before going back into the living room. 

Jaebum headed into the hall then without a word picking up his packed up stuff and carrying it into his new room. Jinyoung’s old one. 

He didn’t bother turning on the light when he entered only curling up under the covers that smelled exactly like Jinyoung. He breathed in and out slowly through the pain, willing himself to sleep to escape from the anxiety and pain he was dealing with now.

It only took him about 10 minutes to actually fall asleep and when he did he stayed asleep until he felt the bed dip beside him and a pair of arms wrap snugly around his waist. His first instinct was that it was Youngjae. The other boy loved to cuddle and Jaebum used to indulge him on occasion. He thought maybe the other boy had missed him too much since It was their first night in a different room for years. 

“Youngae? Everything okay?” His voice came out scratchy and tired and he didn’t even open his eyes, his fuzzy brain not doubting his first assumption. His pain wasn’t as strong as before. His head just felt like a balloon was inflated inside of it and he felt distorted and out of place and a part of him wondered if this was even happening or if it was just a dream. 

“Hyung,” The voice was soft like a bell and Jaebum felt a nose nuzzle his back. He knew that voice anywhere even if this was just a dream. His eyes shot open and he blinked a few times carefully turning to face a smiling Jinyoung.

“What are you doing here?” His voice was still scratchy and he looked at Jinyoung, confused and feeling lost. So many questions were sitting there right on the edge of his tongue. He wanted to know why he was always with Jackson. He wanted to know why he was rooming with him and betraying Jaebum in the process. He wanted to know why Jinyoung hadn’t really spoken to him in weeks.

He didn’t get a chance to ask them though because Jinyoung reached out to grab both of his cheeks holding them softly before pressing his lips to Jaebum's. It was needy, wet, and hot, and all other thoughts and questions flooded out of his head. The only thing he had enough room to ponder being how good it all felt. 

The kiss was more passionate than the previous kiss and Jaebum didn’t even want to breathe, so intent on having their mouths molded together. 

He just lifted his arms when Jinyoung started pulling his T-shirt off clumsily undoing the buttons on Jinyoung's own shirt getting closer and closer and more and more desperate to feel Jinyoung. To touch every part of him and consume every part of him.

He fell asleep after that, feeling satisfied with Jinyoung sleeping snugly in his arms, but the next morning when he woke up alone, a Jinyoung shaped imprint in the bed beside him being the only real part left after last night, he felt anything but satisfied. 

He cried for a long time after that, the stuffy uncomfortable feeling morphing into a debilitating migraine. He got out of schedules that day Mark insisting that he couldn’t go out when he couldn't open his eyes in the light without crying out in pain and throughout the day every member came in to check on him and bring him his headache medicine except Jinyoung.

That headache had been the last bad one, but he honestly felt like this one was so much worse. While his light sensitivity wasn’t so severe he felt like he was boiling alive. His stomach was like an ocean in a storm, swelling and crashing and as soon as the broadcast came to and end and the cameras cut off he stood up, asking the host where the bathroom was. 

His members all called out teasing words but Jaebum ignored them unable to even fake laughter at the ongoing joke, walking briskly on unsteady feet to the bathroom. He collapsed in front of the porcelain bowl then, puking his breakfast out alone and shaking, drenched in uncomfortable sweat. 

After patting his face down with a wet towel and making himself seem as presentable as possible, he left, bypassing the room where the rest of the members were chatting away and going straight to the van to curl up into the passenger seat and press his aching head against the cool pane of glass. 

He sat up when the door burst open, keeping the charade of his health going even though it didn’t matter much anymore. 

No one said anything about it. They were all distracted in their own lives and they didn’t say anything when he didn’t eat dinner either.

He was going to go to bed then, feeling drained and still too hot, but he was assigned dish duty. He had no excuse that he wanted to voice, so he stepped away to the kitchen, washing dish after dish even though he couldn’t keep his eyes open passed a squint at this point. His hands were so unsteady they were visibly shaking as he held the dishes.

He didn't bother looking up when someone entered the kitchen, focusing on the task completely knowing if he could just finish that he could go lay down and end this horrific day. He did stop when a hand landed on his shoulder though.

He looked back staring at Mark who was looking back at him solemnly.

“Jaebum,” He murmured. “Are you okay?” He was looking at him with big concerned eyes, looking a little pale himself and Jaebum nodded resolutely scrubbing at a dish and listening to the murmured conversation that Jinyoung and Jackson were having in the living room.

He could imagine Jinyoung sitting snugly in Jackson’s arms just then, smiling at the Chinese boy like he put the stars in the sky and he felt ever more sick and he didn’t say a word.

“You know,” Mark started cautiously, lifting himself up on the counter swinging his legs and looking down at his feet. “I understand you.”

“What do you mean?” Jaebum asked nonchalantly, setting one bowl down on the counter to dry starting to run another under the stream of warm water.

“You hate seeing them together and I do too,” Mark didn’t specify, yet Jaebum knew exactly what he was talking about and he stiffened up. “It hurts to see someone that you like act that way with someone else,”

“Jackson…?” Jaebum ventured, chancing a look at Mark who was twiddling his thumbs chewing on his lip.

“When it first started I didn’t think it was real. I denied myself even the thought and all Jackson’s words and actions I passed off as a joke because skin ship was just for the fans, but then… when it was gone, that’s when I knew it wasn’t a joke. At least not for me.” 

Jaebum stayed silent as he listened. Mark never spoke this much and he could hear the pain dripping in his words. It cut like a knife and Jaebum could relate to every word.

“At first I thought if I acted like that with Jinyoung too that he would stop me, but then all I got was more confused and hurt and I want him back, Jaebum. I want him to stop hurting me and I want him to stop hurting you.”

“It’s not like that,” Jaebum insisted, looking away because his eyes were burning like he might cry and the pressure behind his right temple was so severe he couldn’t think straight anymore. Then Jinyoung's laugh rang out like a loud bell and Jackson’s followed after, boisterous and happy and the bowl he was holding unsteadily in his hand crashed to the floor, shattering.

He saw Mark jump out of the corner of his eye, but all he could do was stare at it shaking like a leaf as he held his head.

“Jaebum, please stop. I’ll finish the dishes for you.” He urged, fluttering around Jaebum nervously like a bird. Jaebum hummed in agreement, shame flooding over him and he just let Mark take his elbow and lead him around the glass and down the hallway to his room.

“You have to tell him soon, Jaebum. You can’t go on like this much longer.” Mark helped him lie down and pulled the covers over him as Jaebum curled up into a ball, screwing his eyes shut. 

“We both have to tell them,” Mark whispered now, even though he wasn’t talking particularly loud before that.

Then, after he pressed his cool palm gently to Jaebum’s cheek, he left Jaebum alone in his confusion in misery. 

His heart was gaping and bleeding as he tried to fall asleep, not wanting to be awake anymore. With his head pressed to his knees his mind drifted and all he could think of was the article he read once about people who had died of a broken heart.

The door opened again before he had a chance to fall asleep this time, but he laid unmoving. He didn’t have the energy to move, but anxiety swelled in his chest because of who he /knew/ it was. Once again the bed dipped beside him and he felt an arm reach for him, but he struggled to get away his breathing becoming labored. 

“Jaebummie hyung, where are you going?” Jinyoung scolded as if he were a child and Jaebum reached up to grab his own hair and pull, wishing his head would just explode and release the pressure.

“Go away,” he murmured defensively, angry tears finally starting to well up in his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” Jinyoung asked seriously this time, sounding confused as he reached out to lay a hand on Jaebum’s back. “Jaebummie?”

“Don’t touch me!” Jaebum groaned. “I can’t take this anymore, Jinyoung. I can’t, I’m going crazy,” He turned to look at Jinyoung then who was looking at him affronted his eyebrows furrowed. 

“I don’t understand,” He said simply, looking sad and Jaebum forced himself to sit up quickly ignoring how badly it made his head spin and scoffed.

“I can’t take this anymore. I can’t pretend. You...you mess with my head. You kiss and run and you… you didn’t even stay until I woke up!” Tears streamed down his cheeks as he rambled on, not even giving Jinyoung a chance to speak. “Then you go off with Jackson! Jackson! Jackson! I’m not here to get you off. I thought I was more to you than that, but if I’m not then we can’t be anything at all. So why don't you just go to Jackson now? Go to him for everything and just leave me alone, because this… this is killing me!” He finished panting and crying, his face red from exertion and he watched as Jinyoung just got up. There was no emotion on his face. He was completely stoic as he got out of the bed and left the room. 

Jaebum felt beyond sick now, his whole body trembling once again. Tears mixed with sweat began pouring down off his brow and his mouth started to water as well. He tried to get out of bed because he knew what was inevitable but his legs were tangled up in the sheets and he really felt like he could barely move. He started dry heaving then right down at his lap his throat burning and stomach crashing but he hadn’t eaten anything so there was nothing to come up. 

When he finally stopped he laid back down crying into his pillow. He didn’t even hear the door opening again over the sound of his own crying and he didn’t have the strength to move when Jinyoung sat down next to him again, running his hand up and down his back.

“Mark and Jackson are making out in my room so i can’t go back there,” He said it bluntly, continuing his back rub. “I don’t want Jackson though, and I never did. I have liked you since the moment I met you. I was intimidated and mystified, but I liked you and when we were put together I was so happy. All that time I spent with you was like a fairytale. I knew I loved you then, but I was scared because I couldn’t tell if you loved me back and you know I have never been fantastic in the face of rejection. So I let it go and then Jackson… he came to me and he asked me for help because the idiot was so in love with Mark that he didn’t know what to do with himself, but he needed to know because he was just as scared as I was.

“It was only to see if Mark was jealous. We would play it up around him to see what he would do and I could tell right away Mark liked him back, but Jackson was never sure so we went on and on and then I started to notice you. The way you glared at Jackson. The way you looked at me and it was so...so thrilling. I don’t know, Jaebum. I don’t know why but I loved seeing you that way, and I thought if I pushed you far enough you would come clean to me, but I couldn’t stay away from you long enough for it to happen because I needed you,” 

Jinyoung’s voice cracked then and Jaebum's crying had stopped. 

“You’re like this inescapable temptation. No matter what your doing, all I can think about is being at your side and I was so weak that I couldn’t help myself and I knew I was hurting you by doing it, yet I was so stupidly stubborn and I let it go, ignoring what I was doing to you, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you, Jaebummie. All of your pain is because of me and that’s not how you’re supposed to treat the one you love.”

Jaebum could hear the tears in Jinyoung's voice and he looked up, his own eyes sore and red, to see Jinyoung wringing his hand anxiously in his lap, staring down at him in tears. 

“I’m an idiot and I know it, but I love you. Even if you can’t forgive me, you have to know that there was never even a second in all these years that I loved anyone but you.”

Jaebum reached out and laid a hand on top of Jinyoung’s, hating when he got so nervous like that, trying to process all that had just been told to him.

“Jinyoungie, you are an idiot, but so am I and my head hurts, but I also love you.” It was jumbled but sincere and Jinyoung laughed hoarsely the way one did while crying and reached out to lay his hands on Jaebum’s face.

“You have a fever as well. Did you take medicine?”

“I took some migraine pills,” Jaebum answered, reaching up to shakily wipe away a tear that had settled on Jinyoung’s chin with his thumb.

“Remind me to get you some cold and flu pills in a bit, will you?” Jinyoung laid down gently beside him then and let Jaebum curl up against him and tuck his head under his chin. 

“I can’t believe you’re dumb enough to get yourself this sick,” Jinyoung whispered, smoothing down his hair. 

“I can’t believe you’re dumb enough to not see how much I have always loved you back.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to all those who read and enjoy my stories :)  
> Feel free to comment and yell at me for torturing them this way because it's what I deserve honestly. 
> 
>  
> 
> twt:Sterne_und_Mond


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